Rain on my Pity Parade

I am not typically someone who requires pity. Sometimes life is good, sometimes it's not but it is what it is. If life hands you lemons, you don't always have to make lemonade but you do need to accept it and move on. Most things are black and white. Yes or no. Make a decision and stick to it. Accept the consequences. Ok **stepping off of my soap box** These are my usual thoughts until... the email.

At first I just assumed that this email was meant for someone else. A case of mistaken identity, it could happen. The next day I opened the email to see more than the foreign meaning in the subject line and I realized that this email was indeed intended for me. Wow! These people are really planning ahead if they are sending out emails already. As I read on, the content and dates began to really sink in. My lighthearted, can't be meant for me thoughts were quickly changing to a horrifying realization. My 10 year high school reunion is on its way. And it's NOW!

How is this possible?
I just graduated?!
Can I really be THAT old?!!

Ok, I can come to terms with the old part. I did that when I turned 27. I was ok until 27 but that is a whole separate issue. It's all the other questions that began to plague my mind that I was having a hard time with. As I looked at the current lives and careers of my former classmates (aka. trolled facebook pages) these questions really started screaming in my head. What have I done with my life over the past 10 years? What are my impressive accomplishments? How have I become a successful and productive member of society? I guess one could argue that I have robbed a store or committed murder but I also haven't finished college. I don't even have a job. Yes, I have a family, a big one, but so do others with educations and careers. Where is my "above and beyond"?

I am sure you can imagine it at this point. I am having an amazing pity party. I mean, it was a REALLY good one. Complete with balloons and streamers and banners that said "Poor Pitiful Tarah". There was nothing that anyone could say or do that was going to make me feel better about the lousy situation I had spent the last 10 years creating for myself. I was perfectly happy drowning in sorrow. If you didn't feel the same way then you weren't invited, plain and simple. It's like the event that you don't post of facebook because one person will show up and ruin the whole thing.

So, here I was, having a great time, wallowing in despair when I heard a knocking. This was, of course, a figurative knock. I knew who it was but I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home. After all, no one invited Him. And then He laughed at me. Of course the knock was only a formality. He had been there the whole time and I honestly do not think He could contain His laughter any longer. God is funny like that. He was there to crash my party but feeling strengthened by all the self loathing I thought I might actually win this argument. This is about how it went...

God: Suck it up.

Me: BUT! Look at me! I don't have a job, I haven't finished college, my house is a mess, my kids are wild, and lets not bring up the bank account.

God: So?

Me: SO!!! So, look at this person and this person and this person... Careers, houses, families with perfect little kids. They are out there making a difference, they are important.

God: Important to who? Other men? YOU are important to ME. I made you. I made you PERFECT. I planned your life before you were even born. I called you to be a wife and mom not a someone with a high profile career. Is everything I have given you not good enough? I have given you 4 of MY children to love and raise as your own and yet you need the approval of others? My approval is the only one that matters and I gave you that long before you asked for it or even deserved it.

Me: .............

This is where my pity parade ended. God has given me so much and I do not deserve any of it. I could finish school (and eventually, I will), I could have a job, I am good at things. I know this. But I also know that I am in God's will and He has given me the things that are best for me. So what if I don't have a six figure income and an impressive resume. I have God.

So, wish me luck as I get closer to this reunion. Pray that while I may not have the things that are impressive in man's eyes, people will see that I have something much greater. A God who loves me and blesses me daily even when I feel as though I can never be good enough.