When people find out that I got married at the ripe, old age of 18, they generally all respond the same way. You really have to have a visual for this. First, there is the look of confusion. Remember Sylvester and Tweety? "I tawt I taw a puddy tat?" That is it! Confusion. Once the brain has processed the numbers one and eight together, in that order, we move on. Next is the light bulb going off combined with a slightly shocked look. This is the "I did! I did! I did tee a puddy tat!". Now here is where they like to switch it up on you. There are some people who generally do not know how to respond. It isn't the norm and so they kinda go through a huge range of feelings all at once and then settle for nothing. Show no emotion. They are generally at a loss for words and completely confused by this curve ball. Then there are the people who's eyes get large and they start looking me up and down like I just sprouted a few arms and turned an awkward shade of green. I think my favorite reaction is the one of horror. Just plain and simple. These people will seriously look at you like they fear for their life. Processing how you feel about this "bizarre" occurrence just about always determines the line of questioning. The people who look like they got a bad case of the botox generally stick with the safe responses like "oh" or "that's nice". The people who make the "I thought I was talking to a person but now I realize it's a sea monster in disguise" face go with "why did you get married so young" or "where were your parents"? Then there are the people who make the "this person just pulled out a shotgun and is holding puppies hostage" face. They typically go with "were you pregnant"?
*Climbs onto soapbox and adjusts microphone*
Seriously. Were you pregnant? First of all. Rude. Second, does it matter? And, if I were to say yes, what is your response? Is your marriage better than someone else's because of certain circumstances? I give props to anyone who can withstand the stress of being young, as well as pregnant, and make a marriage work.
*Sighs, steps down*
Where were my parents?
Around. That is what I have to say about that. There are so many dynamics to the relationships I have with the people in my life that I just can't get into. I am not saying this as a negative thing. If I needed anyone, my mom, dad, step-mom, grandmother, all I had to do was pick up a phone.
Why did you get married so young? Well, to that I mostly answer "why not?" There are so many pros and cons to getting married at 18 but I knew it was the right thing for me. You don't see a lot of couples who were married young that stay married. I wish I had some great wisdom to pass on to people. A list of criteria I could hand out or a checklist of some sort. It just didn't happen that way. I just knew.
I was 13 when I met Charles. Back when Brother Richard was the youth pastor and we had just finished the first discipleship classes he held. My leaders, formerly known as Julie Broxson and Amber Linkenhoker, were great. When we graduated, Bill and Shannon hosted a party at their house for everyone. I think at the time they only had 4 children. Crazy to think that was ever the case. So, here we are, me and the bestie Heather. I don't remember how or when but I am sure at some point Charles and I are introduced. We didn't really talk much but I remember that he popped one of those big rubber bouncy balls like they sell at Walmart. You know the ones. It's the huge square contraption made of a few PVC pipes and rubber bands. The one that draws anyone under the height of 4'6" like moths to a flame. Seriously, stand on your knees and imagine seeing a 10-foot tower of bouncy balls. This display, for lack of a better word, emits a high radio frequency that only children can hear. It gives them exact instructions on how to strategically pull at just one of the outer bands in order to release half of the balls like super charged atoms. When, and if, you can manage to wrangle up your child, as well as any of the escaped, colorful orbs, you get to spend the next 10 minutes doing your best Michael Jordan impression because you know one wrong push (or pull) on any of those scarce little bungees will send the rest of those rubbery projectiles scattering to the ends of the earth.
And back to the story. He popped the rubber ball. At some point later he had dropped his retainer on the ground and someone shoved it in my pocket. I gave him back his slobber and dirt covered piece of plastic. And that was it. Now, I know what you are all thinking.
*swoon*
After a chance meeting like that? Popped bouncy balls, spit and mud covered retainers, 10 whole words, maybe. Ahhh. A match made in heaven. How could anyone not be head over heels in love from that moment on, right? Still, I knew. I'm not sure what exactly I knew but I did have a feeling that he and I weren't done. I didn't see him again after that, not even at church. I was 13 and busy being all that a new teenager can be, he was 16, had a girlfriend and a baby on the way. We went our separate ways.
I moved to Texas for a while before moving back here for my last three years of high school. He graduated, joined the Marine Corps and went through school in California before moving back to this area. While he had popped up once or twice since we met, it was never more that a fleeting thought and that same feeling of knowing. As I am leaving school one afternoon I happened to look over and see him sitting in his car. I walked right past him perfectly content to go on about my plans but that same knowing sense had me turning around to say hello. We talked for a minute but I had to go but we exchanged numbers and over the next few weeks started talking. After that, well, the rest is history.
Now if I were to tell you that our relationship was perfect and that it developed and grew into love, yeah, that would be a big, fat lie. Even though I knew that he was the man that God had for me and wanted me to marry, there wasn't a whole lot of Godly going on. Honestly, at times, it was volatile. It was messy and it got really ugly. At the same time, it was amazing. He made me feel happy. He made me feel safe. He made me feel loved.
So, yes, I got married at 18. I still believe it was the right decision for me. Did I make sacrifices? Absolutely. Do I feel like I missed out on things? Sure. It isn't like I spent my childhood daydreaming of the day I turned 18 so that I could grab a white dress and the first man who would take me and rush him down the aisle. I was accepted to colleges and had scholarships. I knew what career I wanted to have. My plans changed. Do I regret my choice? No. There are too many choices, good and bad, day in and day out, that will effect your life. You can't change them but you can learn from all of them. I don't regret the way our relationship started and the struggles we had to go through because of it. I don't regret getting married young even though it has had it's own set of challenges. It is our life and our journey. If we had done things differently I am sure some of it could have been a little easier but we wouldn't be where we are today. For that I am thankful.
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